When Your Husband Doesn't Keep Torah

This is a teaching I presented at the 2026 Torah Sisters Retreat. It's for women whose husbands don't keep Torah. I have other shorter videos on this topic on a playlist of the same name. I pray this helps you!

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Transcript

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SPEAKER_00 0:38

Let me pray. Actually, Todd you pray for this one. The topic is is hard. It's a hard topic, and it's one that Todd actually knows better than me. So let's let uh Todd start this.

SPEAKER_01 0:55

Heavenly Father, we thank you for being here today. Thank you for each person that's here. We you know their hearts, you know their stories, you know how hard it is. And so we pray for your Ruach to speak through Amy and to give some practical tips and some insight um on a very difficult thing. We pray that you would guide each each woman here to wrestle through your word and to wrestle and pray like David did, express her thoughts to you, her heart, her brokenness, and let you guide her through your word and through your spirit. We just uh pray for the rest of the day that you would be with each person and that we would enjoy learning, worshiping, and fellowshipping in Yeshua's name. Amen. Thank you.

SPEAKER_00 1:56

All right, if you don't know me, I'm Amy K. Hickerson. I run TorahSisters.com. Are we recording this, Cam? This might end up on the YouTubes. We'll see. So this talk is for women whose husbands don't keep Torah. When your husband doesn't keep Torah. I have talked about this on my YouTube. I've, I don't know, a playlist. You know what a playlist is? It's like when I organize the videos. So if you want to watch those videos, look for the playlist when your husband doesn't keep Torah. But I haven't made a video on this topic in at least two or three years. So if this talk goes well, maybe I'll post this on YouTube as like a summary of all the smaller videos I've made because this is going to kind of sum them all up. But it's an intimate conversation, it's a hard conversation, and so we'll see where it goes. It might just be for us here in this room. So don't raise your hand, don't ask questions, especially because sometimes they're personal, but you can talk to me later and talk to each other. I didn't have a table for you ladies yesterday because I wanted us to talk first. And then if you want to stay in this room afterwards, move these chairs into circles or go find another quiet place on camp. There will be some free time after this before lunch. And you ladies can connect with each other. And I also know that all of you in here are not in this boat. Some of you are here to learn how to support friends or other ladies in your congregation. But I'm still gonna just say you a lot. You because just sort of pretending you're all in this boat. Um, I don't know your husbands, I don't know all of you yet. But let's um I was you. I was married before Todd, um, and then I was single for like a long time, 11 years, and I recently married Todd. But before Todd, I was married, and it was when I while I was married that I came to Torah. My eyes were open to the whole of Scripture, and I realized Torah is for Christians today, and I I'm supposed to do this stuff, and my husband, we're all supposed to do these things. And you know, I was so enthusiastic, excited. I thought for sure my husband would see it right away, and then my whole church would see it, and then the whole world, and it didn't go like that. So I was married for about a year and a half in in your situation. I was married to a man who didn't keep Torah. My husband didn't keep Torah. Um, I will just say right now, right away, some of you are like, well, then what what what happened? Um, we did end up getting divorced, but it was not because of Torah. And you just have to believe me on that. He told me that with his own words, and I take people at their words, there was other stuff. Can we just leave it at that? But see, I don't want you to walk away from this, like, oh no, Amy's husband didn't keep Torah and then they got divorced. Like, that's not gonna be your story, and I'm gonna try to help you not have it not be that story. There were other things, but I just want to be transparent and say that. But I was in your shoes for a year and a half, walking and trying to be a really wonderful top-notch wife in this weird situation where I see the scriptures very differently now than my husband did. Um, and that's hard. It's really hard. All we want so bad. I don't even think I knew how much I wanted to be like-minded until I wasn't like-minded with him in this way. Um, we both still love Jesus. We were up to our eyeballs in church ministry, like we had still, and our children, like we had three beautiful children, like there's so much in common, but then this Torah stuff can feel really big. And I think that's well, there's a lot of reasons. It's just so new and exciting, and like we get to rest, you know, we we don't have to mow the lawn on Saturdays anymore, but they don't see it like that, so it it can create a lot of tension. And for some of you, I'm like, but there aren't even enough words, it's just it can be very, very hard. Um I met a lady not long ago in this same situation. Her husband doesn't keep Torah, and she said, Um, he he doesn't let me do all the Torah things, right? He he doesn't let me go to all the Sabbath Bible studies, I can't go to all the feasts and and stuff. And she said, Amy, my heart, I just want to do these things so bad, but he won't let me. He's not supportive. And she said, it's like telling a bird it can't sing. And I will never forget that because that's she's right, she just put it into words. It's like telling a bird you can't sing, because we want to worship the creator in his ways with his feasts and his Shabbat and all of his things. We just I think coming to Torah was realizing what a sinner I was, it was realizing I was Israel, and all of a sudden I felt the weight of their sin, all the things Ann talked about, and I understood the price that was paid for me, and and like I just fell in love with God so much more coming to Torah. It wasn't about rules, it was about realizing what a sinner I was and realizing what a holy God He is and how much He hates sin. And so I just wanted to praise Him and worship Him and stop sinning and stop profaning the Shabbat and stop neglecting His Moadim. I wanted to stop immediately doing pagan holidays like Christmas and Easter. But my husband said, No, hold on there. That's crazy. Um, and it was like telling a bird it can't sing. So I understand now it's been a long time now since I was in your shoes, but I am trying to never forget what that felt like. Um so not long after the divorce, well, immediately after the divorce, I then as a divorced woman, you can run your household. So I started teaching my kids Torah and I started doing all of Torah immediately. Um I started Torah sisters not long after that, and I knew when you're going through something hard, you just know that Yahweh's gonna use it someday to help so that you can help other people. And if you don't know that, let me tell you, he will use you if you're willing, if you walk uprightly, to help other people through that situation, if you handled it hopefully decently, you know, because there's different ways to handle situations. We can fall apart and become a basket case and take matters into our own hands, which makes us sin. Read Psalm 37. A lot of us when we go through hard times, we cling to Psalm 37, and it's a good one for hard times, for divorces and difficult things. Um, but there's a verse right in the middle that says, Um, don't be angry, it only makes you sin. Because when we're angry about our situation and we resent God and we resent our husband, it will make you sin. Anger is not the answer. We're gonna talk about these things. Um, so I started Torah sisters, and pretty quickly, no, I waited a few years, but I tried very hard to never remember what that felt like because I was meeting so many women who were they saw Torah, but their husbands did not. And I was like, someday I want to help them. I need a little time, but someday I want to help them. So then I started recording those videos, and they were very, very hard videos to record because what I'm gonna tell you is not what a lot of Torah keepers will tell you. I'm gonna go, um, I'm gonna speak differently. You've heard it from me before. You guys all know what I'm gonna say. But it's hard when you're not like mainstream Torah, even in our Torah community. Like, I'm not mainstream Torah and I don't care, so what? I'm not gonna, I'm not trying to be like that YouTube channel over there or that lady teacher over there. I just wanna like steer us towards the word of God. So I recorded those videos and I get a lot of backlash on them. I leave the comments up now. If you go look at those videos, you're gonna see comments and you're gonna see comments of women who really disagree with me. And they throw out this verse and they throw out that verse. But sisters, they are verse plucking and they are taking them out of context. And I will just I leave their comments there. I don't argue with them. Maybe someday I'll take them down. Todd, you can help me decide. We haven't that's something we haven't talked about yet. Um, but when you hear and you can listen to the arguments on the other side, there's nothing wrong with getting a second opinion and seeing how others interpret scripture because you shouldn't take my word for it. You should go and read and look the whole context and all of that, but I'm telling you, they're verse plucking. So I made those videos, and this is one of the hardest topics I talk about because I don't like to go get them against the mainstream. That's why I talk about putting on my big girl sandals because it's hard for me too. But I do know what I know, what I know about this topic. And I have seen this talk help many, many marriages, many women and people, women who don't approach it with this framework, which I think is a biblical framework. Their marriages do not go well, and they are miserable and resentful and unhappy women. So, number one, I think we want to obey Yahweh and His Word. Number two, I want you to have great marriages. Number three, I want you to be happy. And we're not always happy, happy, like feel good, but even in difficult circumstances, we ought to have joy about us, not just at Sukkot. We ought to have a joy that just shows the world that we are saved through Yeshua's blood, and we have some good news to share. But if we're walking around grumpy all the time, and this is actually now we're getting in front of my talk here with our husbands, especially, we're not we're not showing the world that we have to be not only content in our difficult circumstances, but joyful still. So um, here's the viewpoint I approach this from is one of a wife ought to submit to her husband. And that's even in the Torah community, so many do not agree with that. And if you don't agree with that, you are so welcome to come to my retreat every single year. I know it's a mixed bag of different interpretations on this topic. I know that. Like, I don't say in my website, if you disagree on me, you don't come. Um, I want you to come, and I'm so thankful that you're here, or if you're watching this online, um, and just hear me out. But what I'm not gonna do here is dive real deep into why I believe wives should submit to their husbands, but I will throw out some verses. Now I don't have time to read the whole passage, but a really quick study will you will find. And there the books written in the mainstream Christian world about submission to husbands are pretty good. Like that's what I believed before Torah, because I read a lot of those wifing books in the Christian world, and that did not change for me. I submitted before, um I s I submit now. So that viewpoint did not change. So 1 Corinthians 11, the head of a wife is her husband. Ephesians five, wives, submit to your own husbands. Wives should submit in everything to their husbands. Colossians three, wives, submit to your husbands. The husband is the head of the wife. Wives should submit in everything to their husbands. First Peter three, wives, be subject to your husbands. I could go on and on. And now I I plucked little phrases out, but I want you to go and read whole passages. Read the whole Bible. So you ought to obey your husband. Submit means to obey, it means he's your authority. Um, one of the arguments you'll see in those comments on all those YouTube videos is, well, Amy, then what if my husband tells me to murder someone? Am I supposed to obey him? Hmm? And like, like they got me. And um the obvious answer is no, of course, I don't think you're supposed to go murder someone if your husband tells you to. Um the the play, and so then where do you draw the line? Okay, they kind of have a little bit of a point, but they have no discernment to decide where to draw the line. They have decided, well, if I don't have to obey him in not murdering, then I don't have to obey him in anything. Because they don't want to take the time to pick apart the scriptures and discern. To judge is to discern, it's to pick things apart into its little tiny pieces and sort them out. This is acceptable and permissible, this is sin. Or this is holy and set apart, this is unclean, this is common. So there's different buckets that we have to discern things into, but we're lazy, and I'm guilty too. Sometimes I'm lazy, and I just want to read a scripture and apply it to my life by just pushing the whole thing into this bucket or this bucket instead of picking it apart. And in this world, this world, we live in the most complicated, complex, confusing time, I think, in history ever. There's so much information and denominations and even Bible translations and on and on and on. You have to take the time to pick things apart and discern. Uh, so the way I would say to draw the line would be if my husband is telling me to hurt someone else, that's probably a place to draw the line. So murder is really gonna hurt someone else. He tells me to go steal someone's money, that's gonna harm someone else. Those are places I would draw the line. That's again a general statement, but I think it's a starting point. I don't know how else to approach that at this time. If you have ideas, email me when you begin. In fact, if you have things you want to tell me and you don't get to catch me, you can email me Amy at Torres Sisters.com. I don't have time, and so this is for the interwebs too. I don't have time to respond to every email that I get, but I will read it. I can read an email and I will listen to your point of view. I even even if I don't respond, please know I will listen and I will read it. So submission and obey obedience to a husband does not mean that you have to hurt someone else. Let's like let's be realistic. That is not, and of course, that is not what Paul is saying in Peter in these passages either. Of course not. Let's let's be reasonable people. Um, and that's not for this room, that's for the interwebs. Be reasonable. But when I was so when I was married during that year and a half time, which felt like 10 years. Some of you have been with um non-tour keeping husbands for a very long time, and you're like, Amy, a year and a half is nothing. But to me, it felt like a very long time. Uh so I during that time I did submit to him and I obeyed him, and I would do it the same way again. He said, Don't teach it to our children that stuff is weird. And I said, Okay. He said, You can go to your Sabbath little Bible study thing once a month. And I wanted to go every week, but I said, Okay. He said, Don't talk about it at our church. They'll think we're weird. I said, Okay, I won't talk about it at church, and so on and so on. I, you know, some feast things I could go for a couple hours, but I had to be home by dinner, and this and that. Some things I could take the kids to, but they couldn't hear the message. So if there was like a nursery, I would put my kids in the nursery so they couldn't hear the Sabbath message, but at least they could go. So even when I wasn't in his presence, I was still obeying him by doing what he said to do with our kids. So I would, and it goes on and on, um, and I would do it all again. I would do it all again. And you might say, well, Amy, you had like you got saved out of it. Like you ended up getting divorced, and so then you got rescued from it. Um, divorce is awful. It would have that was not what God wanted. I will just say that. God doesn't want us to get divorced. Um, that wasn't exactly his plan. So, but I would go back and I would submit to him all over again. I would do it the same way. I walked it out side by side with Ann Elliott. She was living here that then, and she, you know, walked alongside me through that hard time. And she can vouch for all of this. I would do it all again. Oh, she's back there. Hi, Anne. I would do it all again. Um, here's the next thing I'm gonna say. I'm gonna totally run out of time, so I'm gonna nail him hard. Don't divorce your husband because he's not a Torah keeper. Don't do it, don't listen to the people on the internet. They there's really lovely Torah keeping people out there who really think that because you're now unequally yoked, you should divorce him. And I'm telling you, don't do it. Um 1 Corinthians 7. This is so good. Paul says, I'm gonna read this whole thing. To the rest I say, if any brother has a wife, go to 1 Corinthians 7, verse 12. Actually, read it with me. 1 Corinthians 7, verse 12. To the rest I say, and not me, but Yahweh, really, he says, if any brother has a wife who is an unbeliever and she consents to live with him, he should not divorce her. See, I think this same stuff was going on in Paul's day. It was the same stuff, the same arguments and dissensions and contentious arguments that we have now, he was dealing with. So this is so applicable. Verse 13. If any woman has a husband who is an unbeliever and he consents to live with her, she should not divorce him. Underline it if you have concerns about this. For the unbelieving husband, get ready, this is mind-blowing. The unbelieving husband is made holy because of his wife, and the unbelieving wife is made holy because of her husband. That is mercy. Otherwise, your children would be unclean, but as it is, they're holy. But if the unbelieving partner separates, let it be. In such cases, the brother or sister is not enslaved. God has called you to peace. How do you know, wife, whether you will save your husband? How do you know, husband, whether you will save your wife? I mean, I could just like put the microphone down and walk away. Do not divorce your husband. Throughout the scriptures, we see lots of verses that say that salvation is an individual choice of repentance. And so I believe that, of course, the scriptures say it. Each person has to choose. We also see verses about um, like national is not the word. Better word, national salvation for like um the people of Israel, for God's people. They the people will be saved, and we see promises and blessings for the people. But I still think within that people group, they have to make individual decisions. Okay, so that's two kinds of promises. But then there's this other group that Paul's talking to, and these are married covenant couples. Man and wife, I will add, husband and wife, man and woman. And there's something so special and sacred about the husband-wife marriage covenant, that some of these individual rules seem to not apply. Or they get um, there's a bigger umbrella for a spouse. I can't understand that. I can't wrap my head around it, but throughout the scriptures, throughout the New Testaments, you see places where Yeshua would tell someone, because of your faith, your whole household is saved. I mean, how merciful is that? So your husband, now your husband might be a really amazing Christian man, and he's already saved. Okay. I'm not sure that exactly putting strings on your pants now gets you a ticket to eternity. I don't know where that line is. Because I know a lot of people who put strings on their pants and they keep Sabbath that they're real jerks to people. The father is seeking circumcised heart. Your husband might be the most lovely Christian man, and I pray he is with a heart heart for the widows and the poor, and he's doing good, and he's teaching your kids the Bible, and he's leading you well. I think he's in an eternity with us. Can I just put your hearts at ease? He just doesn't see Torah yet. Now, some people, there are a lot of Torah keepers out there that will say that until he does four outward things, so he might be the most lovely Christian man, but until he puts strings on his pants, keeps Sabbath, does the feast, and eat clean, then he'll be saved with those four outward things. Maybe we could throw circumcision in there, the poor man, but you know, the Bible says. The Bible says. So but I don't know where that line is. It's not my job. Don't ask me if your husband's saved. I'm not gonna like, how could I tell you? I don't know. I don't know. But um there is, let's say he's not saved. He's something in him is keeping him from eternity, keeping him from relationship with uh Yahweh. But that passage says that if you are walking with Yahweh, your belief can bring him into the kingdom with you. I think that's so merciful. Our God is not a nasty, mean volcano God. He's a merciful, loving, compassionate God. And so rest easy, sisters. I don't want you stressing all the time about your husband's not going to heaven or not going to be in the resurrection because he doesn't put strings on his pants. Just take a deep breath, but you walk uprightly because you might be saving him, according to this passage. I don't understand it, but it's here, so I believe it. So um, you're already in covenant. It's not the same as going into a new covenant. Do not, if you're single, do not marry a man who does not keep Torah. He does not have to be like-minded with you in everything. Todd and I are not like-minded in everything. Someday he'll come around. Not just kidding. Sisters, you would not believe the things that I have already learned from him. Like thing, I'm like, how did I not see that in the scripture before? That's so right. I mean, and it's I've been married less than a year. Like, what else is he gonna show me and teach me? So we're not like-minded in everything, but I tell you what, I was not gonna settle for anything less than a Torah-keeping, God fearing, walking uprightly, good dad kind of a man. And he was a good husband to his former wife. So be picky. If you're single, you cannot say, Well, I'll just become unequally yoked, and then I'll just save him by my belief. That is a big mistake, and I I think it's a sin to become to knowingly, willingly become unequally yoked. You do not have to agree on everything, but make sure you have Yeshua in Torah. Do not get married. Now, if you're already married, you're already in covenant, and you're somewhat unequally yoked now, you're still yoked. You're yoked. Like we we talk about being yoked to Christ and um with George and his accent thing. You're yoked with your husband, you're in covenant with him. You can't you can't throw him out like a piece of garbage because he's not a Torah keeper. You're already in covenant with him. Um, okay, I'll say something else. I've had many women over the years email me, and I think what they're doing is they're looking for my blessing to divorce their husbands. Don't email me telling me all your marriage problems and what a jerk he is and how bad of a he won't keep Torah. He's rebellious because he he won't get circumcised or whatever. First of all, I don't respond. I don't know, I don't do marriage counseling through the internet. Like, it's just not my place. I don't even do counseling with people I don't know. It's so inappropriate. But I feel like they just want some YouTube Torah teacher to give them permission to divorce their husbands. And I have so much compassion because some of these husbands sound like pretty big jerks, or they're they won't listen to Torah, or they won't even open their Bible and look at it with a wife, and like my heart goes out to her. Um but if she's if she is feeling like her only option is to divorce him, she just has to get out of that marriage. That's the only option. I finally now say to ladies, maybe there was already a big problem in your marriage before Torah. And Torah is now your excuse to want to divorce him and be free. So if you already had some pretty major problems in your marriage, and then you can't just use Torah as an excuse to now divorce him. You you still have to go back and maybe get some good marriage counseling, good marriage counseling. There's can be very bad ones too, and and work on your marriage issues, which usually means working on yourself. It means working on me. So work on your issues and see if things get better, even in the unlike, you know, unlike-minded, is that a word? Situation that you're in. So I I really I just don't like divorce is reserved for very few special situations, and it is not him not keeping Torah. That is not one of them. Now, let's talk about something better. For those of you in marriages, and I don't even like to use the word in equally yoked, because that assumes like he doesn't love Jesus at all. I don't know, all situations are different. And even if your husband is not, some of you have husbands who are not at all Christians, but you're in covenant with this man who you love and you fell in love with him, and you had a wedding and all those twinkly patterpatters in your son. I remember because I'm like still there. It was so fun to fall in love again. First of all, remember what that felt like, all of that. But here's the best news. I'm gonna give you something really, I'm gonna tell you something amazing that not very many people in the Torah community will tell you. Even though you're married to a man who doesn't keep Torah, you can still be so happily married. I give you permission to be super happily joyful, bubbly, giddy, act like newlyweds the whole rest of your lives, even if that man never comes to Torah. Enjoy him, be proud of him. All the things that a husband and wife should be, you can still be that wife. You can't make him change, but you can enjoy him, and then he's gonna enjoy you, and you can have a really wonderful marriage, even though there's this big elephant in the room of Bible things that you're really passionate about, or he doesn't see it, or whatever. You can have babies, you can have fun, you can do everything act in every way like a happy married couple, because you can be a happy married couple. You don't have to be like, I wish I had a good marriage, but he doesn't keep Torah. They're not exclusive from each other. Your marriage ought to be awesome because you keep Torah, so you know how to walk uprightly, you know how to. Is not strings on her pants, it is forgiveness. Isn't it? I think when people, there's two keys to a great marriage. Because after divorce, being single for 11 years, you kind of think about marriage a lot. I was convinced during those 11 years I thought about marriage more than my friends thought about their marriages. Like I would just kind of sit and because I was alone a lot and just ponder like if I ever got married again, what would I do different? What could I have done different? What does a good marriage how do you laugh? How do you act? How do you fix problems? Like you just kind of think. So here's two things that I think make a marriage great. And they don't require Torah keeping, but because you're Torah keepers and you want to obey your Bible so strongly, this should come easier to you. One is forgiveness. Marriage is constant forgiveness. Because when you live with someone and all of these things, you're gonna hurt each other. Hopefully unintentionally, but you're just gonna hurt each other. You're gonna hurt each other's feelings, you're gonna get in each other's face, you're gonna disrupt each other's lives. It's just things can be hard. You have to constantly forgive, forgive, forgive. And because we take the Bible so seriously, that ought to come very easy to us. The second thing, you know how like you go to a bridal shower and they're like, fill out a little piece of advice on the little card. Here's what I always write now. Get two words out of your vocabulary. I deserve. Take them out of your vocabulary first and foremost in your marriage and really in everything in life. If these messages about the mercy and grace given to us by Yeshua don't change you to get rid of those words, then um come back next year and listen to the replays over and over. It'll sink in, I hope. But we don't deserve anything. And I don't like to go down the sort of icky Catholic world of like, oh, we're such wretched people, like we're so gross. Because that's not true either. He he loves us, but you don't deserve. And when you have this attitude in your marriage of, I deserve for him to treat me this way, or I did, or even telling God, I deserve a Torah-keeping husband. I've been doing Torah now for five years. I wear the strings on my pants, I do as much as I can. And here's a big one: I've been praying. Yahweh, I've been praying so hard, so now I deserve it. Because I've done my penance, and so now you owe me. It's a transaction. Now you owe me. But salvation was not a transaction, and neither is this. These things in this world are temporary. This is exile. This world is not the end. There is an eternity coming, and that is what we look for in the way we act in this world. Does affect our eternity. Don't think it doesn't. This old Baptist doctrine I used to have of once saved, always saved, we're all the same. Now, that's not true either. There's greater and lessers in the kingdom. Somehow there's like, what are there? Like extra crowns or better mansions or something. I'm not saying it very well. But there's stuff to come in the eternity. This world is messed up and hard. You don't deserve a Torah-keeping husband. You don't deserve a good-looking husband. You don't deserve a husband that's a great cook. I got all three. I'm just gonna say that. It's not like this is not my life that I'm talking about. But there will be times, Todd and I will have times where I might be tempted to say, I deserve better. He should act better, he should do this. Um, I need to get those words out of my vocabulary because they will destroy my marriage. Or at least that day or that morning or that date. I deserve for him to do this. Once I get rid of those words, then I focus on me, and everything changes. So get rid of the words I deserve. And then have a great marriage, enjoy him, be proud of him, encourage him, go on vacations with him, do things with him, have fun. You, sister, walk uprightly and have fun. It's okay to have fun in this life. It's okay to have fun in a marriage where your husband thinks your Sabbath stuff is so weird. It's okay. He still loves you, he's not divorcing you. So don't put, you must hate me. You think that this is a cult, don't you? You must just hate me. Don't put those words in his mouth. If he thought that, he would divorce you, but he's not. He's willing to live with you in peace, so you live with him in peace. And then I would add, I think Paul would say, have fun, enjoy each other, have a great marriage, not a Mrs. Grumpy Pants marriage. That's not, you don't want to do that your whole life. So I'm not gonna tell you that you have to like be stuck in your marriage, ladies. You can't divorce him, you're just stuck. You're not stuck. You married a man you loved. Have fun, have a great marriage. So then what does this look like? What does submission look like every day? Um, because this is the nitty-gritty. What does it look like to be married to a man who doesn't keep Torah? And day in and day out. First of all, I turned the page, forgot my first of all. Make a polite, respectful appeal now and then. So when he says, here's like, I don't know, just an example. No, no, no, no, you can't go to any of those Sabbath meetings. I don't think they're good for you. I think that stuff is weird. Don't go to those Sabbath, don't get together with those weird Sabbath people. Okay. But can I tell you some things about those people? So I ask permission to make a polite, respectful appeal. So word it politely, be respectful. Don't get angry at him. That shuts things down, it escalates things and it shuts it down. Be polite, be respectful. But I do think you can use your voice because you have big girl shoes, but you have respectful demeanor and countenance, and you can make an appeal to your husband and say, Can I tell you about those people? Because I think you might be misunderstanding what we do there. Um, and you can make appeals. Would it be okay if I take this Sabbath off from work? I know we need the money, but I really think God will bless us if I if I obey him in this. Can I show you a couple verses? Um, you can make appeals, and appeal is asking for something, I think. You're asking for his permission and really his blessing to do some sort of Torah thing. I think it's okay and good and right to ask him and make polite appeals, but don't exasperate him. Bugging him and bugging him until he says finally, fine, just stop nagging me, just go. So you exasperate him. That is not uh, that is not true permission, and it is certainly not him giving your him your blessing to go to a Sabbath group or a feast or whatever it is. So if you nag and nag and nag, honey, I told you I don't want to mow the lawn on Saturday. I told you, I told you, honey, come on, don't make me do it. I don't want to do it. You know, you know, if you make me do it, it's on your head, and now you're in trouble for it with God. Fine, fine, don't mow the lawn. That's not how this works. That is not a polite appeal. That is nagging and bugging and condemning. Now, the thing with submission that I forgot to say earlier with all of this is there's everyone has an authority, don't they? We're teaching our kids this. We should all teach our kids this. Everyone in the universe on the planet has an authority. My authority is Todd. I also answer to Yeshua, but Todd, especially for our marriage and for our household, answers to Yeshua. This is in the scriptures, you can look it up later. Everyone is under someone's authority. You can't um, so if Todd leads me into sin, even though he's a Torah keeper, he might misinterpret a passage and lead me into sin. He's the one who answers to Yeshua because he's the authority. It's on his shoulders, it's his responsibility. So, sisters, when I tell you that if your husband says, mow the lawn on Sabbath or get in the car, we're gonna go to Home Depot, we have a project, we have to not only purchase things on Sabbath for this project, but then we have to do the project. And you make your applied appeal and you say, honey, I really just don't. That goes against my convictions about what is sin, and I don't think it pleases the Lord. I don't really want to do that. What if I clear off our schedule on Monday and we do it on Monday? And then I'll get a couple guys to come help. You know, like sweeten the deal, make it easy without manipulating, but um, make your polite appeal. And if he still is firm in that, no, this is what you're gonna do. There is sin. So working on Shabbat, doing these giant house projects, shopping at Home Depot, going out to lunch afterwards, that's sin on Shabbat. And someone has to be accountable for that. It is on his head. And that he should not take that lightly, but it is up to him. Now, do you have to make an appeal every single time? No, every see every situation is different. If this is like every Saturday you're going to your kids, your little kid plays soccer, and every Saturday you go to his games. You can make one appeal at the beginning of the season when they sign up and say, I really don't feel good about signing up for this. Can I look for a Thursday night league or a Tuesday night league? And husband says, No, that's the only day I can go to games. We have to do Saturday soccer. Don't appeal to him every single Saturday morning. All you're gonna do is ruin the thing. Um, but that sin, there is a sin there, it's on his head. Begin again, because of this unique covenant relationship. He bears the sin for that. Um, ladies, we'll throw out on the interwebs, they'll throw out the verse pluck. What is the verse that says, obey God rather than man? That is true, and that's something I live by. That's why I put on my big girl shoes and I stand here and I say hard things because I think Yahweh's telling me to say these things. But when it comes to my marriage, Todd is not just any man, he's my covering, and that sin, that responsibility falls on his head. So we have a responsibility to submit and obey, and he, the husband, bears a responsibility of answering to Yahweh for these things. And that's unpleasant. And honestly, when I was in my previous marriage, I felt really bad for him. I was like, you have to answer to Yahweh, and you're you're gonna answer for a lot, you know. Like I would I would politely warn him because I didn't want that for him. But it's just how it is. But if I go against him and rebel against my husband, it is the same as if I'm rebelling against Yahweh because the scriptures tell me to submit to him. So he's telling me to do something about a sin, and that's unpleasant. It's horribly unpleasant. I get it. But if I rebel against my husband, now I chose a sin. If he tells me to go to Home Depot, he chose that sin on me. But if I rebel, I put that on me. I chose that sin. Do you see how it just gets worse and worse and worse? Whenever we take matters into our own hands, it's gonna lead us into sin. Some things you just have to leave in Yahweh's hands for dealing with your husband and pray for mercy for him. If he's leading into you into sin every Sabbath or every this or every that, um, pray for mercy for him because we don't want the him, we don't want our husbands that we love to bear these things. But you don't get to take matters into your own hands and rebel against him, and then you're just making things worse and worse and worse. So day in and day out, when he says, break Sabbath, or no, you can't do the feast, or no, we're not doing a Passover, that's so dumb. No, you can't go to it either. Whatever part of Torah he's not letting you do, you have to submit and obey him. And do it with a happy countenance. Again, if you're doing it exasperated, resentfully, misses grumpy pants, always mad and stomping around, and fine, I'll obey you, but I'd rather obey God. Like, you're not obeying God in your attitude right then. Like, and I mean he it makes us as Torah keeping women look ridiculous. It's not good fruit. If he's a Christian, he knows the fruit of the spirit, and you're carrying none of it when you act like that. Uh, and he knows that the fruit of the spirit is Torah, just as much as these weird Sabbath rules that you do. So you can't be Mrs. Grumpy Pants, you have to walk this out with him in obedience, submission, but with a happy heart. It's just like when I tell my little kids when they were small, I would say, obey mommy, and go do that with a happy heart. And if you can't be happy on the inside, you better be able to do it. Better pretend to be happy on the outside. Isn't that what we all tell our children? And that's because we are their authority. I don't want grumpy obedience. They don't agree with it. They don't see the point of it, blah, blah, blah, blah. But it is still the order of the home. It is the same for us as wives, even more so. When you obey your husband, you've made your appeal, you're on your knees praying for him repeatedly, but it's still, you have to do these things, or you don't get to do those things. You do it with a happy heart, a happy countenance. Don't ruin the day. You go to your kids' soccer game, cheer him on, be all in. Be all there and enjoy your family, enjoy your husband. He insists on taking you out on a date on Friday after sundown. He insists on it. Enjoy him. Have fun. Don't be grumpy about it. Yahweh sees your heart. We'll talk more about that in a minute. Um, so some things you might have to do in your situations. You might have to do Christmas and you might have to do it big. You might have to be the one to buy all those presents and wrap them and put them under the Christmas tree. You might have to shop on Sabbath, you might have to eat out on Sabbath, you might have to do all kinds of chores on Sabbath, you might miss feasts, you might miss Sabbath services, you might have to buy bacon and you might have to cook it for your husband. Okay? If your husband insists that you still have pork in the house and that you cook it for him, do it with a happy heart. Just don't lick your fingers while you're cooking. And this is one thing that I have I have heard so many things. I have never heard a woman say that her husband forces her to eat unclean meats. And I think that's a mercy from Yahweh. Even my family who thinks that this stuff is just wack-adoo, borderline cult, we're not a cult, they always provide a substitute meat, like turkey or something for me and my family to eat. There's a mercy that Yahweh often gives us. If your husband is forcing you, I don't know how that would even look, forcing you to eat something you don't want to eat, that might be like actual abuse. That would that would be a whole nother category of weird and sad. Um, but if he just is insisting that you cook it, I think you have to cook it. All right. But again, make a polite appeal and things like that. Now, within the day-to-day stuff, do as much Torah as you can. Don't be sneaky and weird. Don't be like doing it behind his back. That's not a good marriage. Marriages don't do things behind each other's backs. Good marriages don't have sneakiness. Um, but do as much as you can. And over time, hopefully, he'll become more tolerant. You can go to more Bible studies when he realizes you're not getting weirder. If you come home from Bible study all riled up and angry and mad, I hate you because you don't keep Torah. He's not gonna let you go to Bible study anymore. Come home better every time you get to be with other believers. Um, if he gets sick of you watching YouTube about Torah, it might be because somehow they're disrupting your marriage. Maybe you don't need to watch as many YouTube's about Torah. Uh, maybe you can just be in the Word. That's enough, right? Um, do as much Torah as you can. One thing I did when I was married is I Sabbath prepped really hard. Like he knew what I was doing. My husband then knew, knew what Sabbath was, knew my outline for how I think I should keep Sabbath. And I I used prep day hard because Saturday had always been our chore day. Mow the lawn, go to Home Depot, all these sorts of things. And I had very little kids then, but um, I was even impressed with myself about how ambitious I could be on Thursdays and Fridays. So I worked really hard so that there was nothing that had to be done. That's when I really started mowing the lawn. I got really good at mowing the lawn because I didn't uh otherwise he would do it on Saturday. And if he was doing chores, um, he would say, It's fine, I know you want to rest. You don't have to help out. That's hard, that's hard. Then you feel like you want to help out, right? So I worked really hard to get my Saturday chores done and his Saturday chores done. I worked really hard to make it so that he didn't have to do anything on Saturday. Also, he needs to rest. He needs to rest. But he he did what he did a lot. So I helped and he rested a lot. Um, but there was still, you know, I did what I could. Okay. I did what I could. I Sabbath prepped really hard, but not in a weird way. I would and I would say, like, I mowed the lawn, I watered the plants, and I took the car through the car wash so you can relax. You know, I wasn't sneaky about it. He knew what I was doing. Um let's talk about how do you get him to come to Torah? You're not gonna like what I have to say. You can't get him to come to Torah. It's just, I wish there was some secret sauce. There's not even a secret oil. You can't get him to come to Torah. So, but I'll give you some tips that might help make it easier for Yahweh to bring him to Torah, right? It's a work of the Holy Spirit. Number one, you need to relax. I think we already talked about this. Uh, you don't need to be super now, you're if you're new to Torah, you're super uppity and enthusiastic, and you're like not just a bird singing, you're like a loudmouth with a bullhorn. I know. It's so exciting. But with your husband, you might have to relax. And just, I'm not saying don't talk about it, relax. I actually mean have a real deep shalom in your spirit and let everybody should see that. Your kids should see that, your husband, your parents, your fellowships, your Sunday church, you're probably still in Sunday church. You should be relaxed because if you act like, oh no, oh no, I'm not like-minded with my husband, God has made a mistake here. Guess what they're all thinking? Your new beliefs are the mistake. Don't act like God is totally unaware of my situation. I'm stressed out. God needs to hurry up and rescue me or help me or change him because this is a disaster now. God did not see this coming. Trust me, God saw it coming. And he let God and God is sovereign, he let you be in this situation. He allowed it, and that means he thinks you are fully capable. We always say, God's not going to give us something that we can't handle. It's kind of true because we have supernatural access to the Holy Spirit within us, and you can do things that you never thought you could do, sister. And here you are in this situation. Your eyes have been opened, but you're you're not like-minded with your husband, and there's tension and it's hard, but you're fully capable of still being a really fantastic wife. Or he would not tell you in scripture to still be a fantastic wife. You can do it. It might be a hard thing, but we can do hard things. Walking out our faith is not a cakewalk. It's not supposed to be. Don't discuss Torah with him if it's unfruitful. And I'll let you decide what unfruitful is. If it's making him angry, if he's shutting down, if he's caused, if he's avoiding you, that's unfruitful. I was talking about it too much, and he started avoiding me. And I realized I have to just be quiet. Like, that's not good. Because we need to just hang out. Um, so don't talk about it if it's unfruitful, if it makes him mad and on and on like that. When you do discuss Bible things, have a genuine humility and meekness about you. And I you won't you know yourself. Maybe ask a best friend, am I sometimes not humble? Do you think I'm not humble with my spouse? Let them be honest and tell you, have the humility to take that criticism in how you are with your husband and how you speak to him. You have to be respectful and patient and humble. Focus on simple, out loud reading of scripture. And this one came from Anne. Um, she finally told me one day, I think, Amy, I think you should have to stop talking and at least get him to read the Bible out loud. And so we stopped. I stopped have trying, I was always trying to have discussions about like Bible commentary. Like we would go to Sunday church and then the car on the way home, I would be like, hmm, what did you think about what he said about Matthew 17? You know, his interpretation was that we can play football with a pig skin football, which they don't even use anymore. But what do you think about that? And I was always trying to have conversations about like application and interpretation of scripture, and it just never went well because he knew where I was going. Um, so I stopped talking about the Bible, and I would just try to get us to read the scripture out loud together, which we were not even beforehand. Okay, so you see where sometimes there were problems before. When you get married, read the scripture together out loud. And if you can at least get your husband to read the scripture out loud, then the scriptures can speak for themselves. You don't need to always speak for them. Um, get a Bible reading plan. One I like chronological ones. They don't go in order of the books of the Bible, but they go in order of events in the Bible. So they pair like events together. I just think that's fantastic. It's how my brain works. Um, so get a Bible reading chronological plan and say, hey, can we start something new where we read each day's reading and we just read it together? Either he reads out loud or you he reads half out loud, then you read half out loud, or whatever. Or one day he reads it out loud, the next day you're the out loud reader, but you're reading it together, side by side on the couch out loud. Um, if he refuses to do that, at least you're doing maybe it separately. We want to get him in the word. And if he'll get in the word even better out loud with you by his side, that's really powerful. So at least try to get him to read the Bible out loud, even if you have it playing in the car on an audio Bible while you're driving in the car. That's a great start. Um, the other thing, another thing you should do, and I don't even think I have to tell you this, pray. I mean, that could be a whole talk. I'm not gonna spend a lot of time on it because you're already doing it. I was on my knees crying out to God to bring my husband to Torah. So I know what you're doing, I understand, and I believe you. You tell me you're praying, I believe you that you're praying. The Father hears your prayers, even if it's been 20 years. He hears your prayers and don't ever stop. Let your husband see your joy. We talked about that. Let him see that you enjoy your life, you enjoy your faith walk, but you also enjoy him. And you're just thankful for the life God gave you. You're thankful for your husband's provision. He probably works hard for you. And he doesn't let you go to Sabbath church, but I bet he lets you go whatever. He lets you do things. He's a good husband, he's a good man. Let him see that you have gratitude, genuine gratitude for the life he's giving you. Do invite your husband often to gatherings, to Torah gatherings, especially the low-key gatherings with no teachings. So um invite him often to your Sabbath fellowship or to um feast gatherings and stuff. Ask your leadership about Passover first. But otherwise, um, I would often tell, I was going to Salel then too, and I would often tell them, just so you know, I'm gonna invite my husband and everybody be nice. He doesn't, if he comes, he doesn't do Torah. And they're like, duh, we know they were very gentle with me. Um, but it's okay to let your fellowship know if you think your husband's gonna come. They might just assume he's a Torah keeper and just prep him and say, you know, honey, they're all just gonna think you're like us, but just nod and smile. And it'll all be fine. Um, people are nice and your husband is nice. But if you can invite at least it'd be so awesome if he came to a gathering, wouldn't it? But if you you should still invite him. If he says no one time, maybe your prayers are working and you should invite him another time, don't you think? Let him know he is always welcome. And I think he should be welcome, even though he doesn't wear strings or doesn't do Sabbath. I think he should be welcome at your fellowship. Um, check for Passover, but um other events he should be welcome, especially if you're taking your children. He ought to be able to go anywhere that his children are allowed to go. Um the best ones I think to start with are ones where there's no teaching. So I don't know, maybe your group has a shavuat party, and instead of a sermon, maybe there's like praise and worship instead. Those are good ones for your husband to come to because they're not gonna ruffle his Christian feathers as much. Uh, another thing you should do is let him relax. Take the pressure off him. You know, you have to change my next year. I don't know what I'm gonna do. Don't give him ultimatums. Just let him relax and enjoy you too. Make Friday nights, Sabbath nights, fun for him. Wink wink. Make Friday nights extra fun for him. Um, the fun you have together, that special married couple fun that only married couples, man and wife, should have, you should still have that fun. You're married, you're in covenant with him. You need to have that fun. Both of you need to have that fun. And Friday night Sabbaths are a great time for that. And that's one way that you can show him. Sabbaths are special, they're set apart. The rest of the week might be busy and hard and tired and all these things, but at least on Sabbath, that's time for us too. It's time with God, it's time with us, it's time with our kids the next day, and things like that. Respect your husband and build him up. You're not better than him because you keep Torah, sisters. I will say this: I think the more Torah we keep, we're better off than other people. But we're not better than other people. There's blessings that come from keeping Torah, and I'm thankful for those. I don't deserve them, but I'm thankful for them. But I'm not better than people who don't keep Torah because it's only by his grace that he opened my eyes to Torah. So respect your husband and build him up. Let him know he's good, and he's good at that, and he's good at that, and I love how you do that thing, and I respect you, and you're smart, and you're handsome, and woo, nice shirt, and build him up. And that work you did at your job the other day, that was awesome. I'm so impressed with you. I'm so glad God gave me to you. I'm blessed to be your wife. Build him up and respect him. Now, as you pray for him, and I'm praying too that Yahweh will open his eyes. If that time comes, Yahweh willing, when it's time for his eyes to start to be opened, get ready for discomfort, sister. How many of us, when we were coming to Torah, had to go through some discomfort? Um, for me, the power went out for like eight days straight. It was very uncomfortable. And God used that time to start opening my eyes. And then church was canceled many times. That was uncomfortable, but it was so I had time to read my Bible. Anne Elliot was on bed rest for like forever. It gave her time to read her Bible, but that was not a fun time for her, but it was the right thing. That's the so God uses difficult circumstances, other people lose a job, and they're like, and then and then something happens that brings Torah introduction into their life. And what do we do? We need to study and read the Bible. That takes time. So they lost their job. Now they have time. So get ready for some discomfort. Um, at if so, if your husband, if it's his time to come to Torah, maybe he gets sick and has to be bedridden. Maybe he loses his job, but he has time to read his Bible, maybe a lot of things, I don't know. Um, but don't just get mad about it and say, oh no, things have to stay the same. Just give Yahweh a little wink and say, Are you up to something? Because this seems like an awful thing, but maybe six months from now it's gonna turn out to have been the best thing. Maybe this hardship is what you're gonna use to bring my husband to his knees. And so, you, sister, don't get in the way of what Yahweh is doing with your man, just stay out of his way and help your man get through it. Um let your husband chase some crazy rabbit trails. How many of you came to Torah through a crazy fringe rabbit trail? Yeah, yeah. Um, those rabbit trails, I mean, I know people who came to Torah by studying out like the shape of the earth, or like, did we go to the moon? Or like you name it. I call these fringy things because they're not just hardcore scripture things. I'm not saying they're unimportant. But, or um, you know, Todd kind of came to Torah by looking at like Christian nationalism and like different sorts of fringy things, but they led some of you back to the Bible through different avenues. So if your husband starts really getting into some fringy things that you think are weird or you think are cultish, leave him alone. That might be the thing that Yahweh is using to bring him back to the Bible. Um, especially if it's not sin, leave him alone. I think we have an obligation to help our husbands see sin. We should do that for each other. But if it's not sin, it's just crazy, just leave him alone. Let him be a little crazy, and he might end up joining your crazy. Praise Yahweh. And then, sister, if he starts coming to Torah, I hope he does, be ready for him to lead and to lead wrong. He might come to Torah and think that I'm gonna throw out some beliefs of mine. Don't, it's not what this is about. So, like, what if he might come to Torah and think that the Sabbath starts at sunrise instead of sundown? He might come to Torah and think the earth is flat. He might come to Torah and think that um lunar Sabbath is right and not Saturday Sabbath. He might come to Torah and not count the omer right. He might come to Torah and think that it's not okay to play board games or uh a little do anything fun on Sabbath. You have to just sit on, you know, he might do Torah wrong because there's so many different understandings and interpretations and flavors within our community, and he might um all kinds of things. So then what? So now he's doing Torah, but oh no, he's doing it wrong. We still go back to the beginning of my talk and you submit and obey with a happy heart, making polite appeals when you can. Look at the scriptures together. By then, now I think he's probably gonna really love studying the scriptures, and so look at them together. But sister, be open that you might be wrong. I've been doing Torah for 12 years, and Todd has taught me a thing or two. I was wrong on a couple things. So even if he's wrong, you submit and obey, you can still have your own beliefs, and like you can say to him, I don't see it that way, but I won't tell anybody. In public, I'm gonna respect you and go along with that. But let's keep studying it because it'd be so much better to be on the same page. But in public and in your family to your children, you go along with his understanding. Don't keep two different Sabbaths in your home, don't keep two different calendars in your home. Let if he's coming to Torah, let him pick. Now, can I keep going for five more? Are you guys okay? What can you do to be stronger to get through this? Choose contentment in spite of hard circumstances. Choose contentment. It is a choice. Contentment doesn't just happen to you, you choose it. Go read your Bibles. Stop comparing yourself to others. I have a wonderful Torah-keeping husband. Don't compare yourself to me. My life is not your life, and your life is not my life. It doesn't, I don't look at you and think, oh, you must have sinned. That's not how it is. I mean, I was in your shoes. I would never think that. And if another lady thinks that, then she has her own issues. Okay. Stop comparing yourself to others. It will make you discontent. Do not crave, or dare I say, covet, other people's husbands and circumstances. Um, stop thinking that everyone is watching you and judging you. They are not. They are not. Um, there was in my early faith walk, I would go to Solel and make up things in my head. They would be talking about how we should keep Sabbath. These are the Sabbath rules. This is what we do, and this is what we don't do. And the whole time I thought that they were just judging me. I thought that. Their little preaching was just to me because I couldn't do all those things. Because I was at that time married to a non-tour-keeping husband. I really genuinely thought they were yelling at me in the sermons every Sabbath. And I felt so hurt. I felt so ashamed. I felt so judged. And I finally went to Anna Craig. Do you remember this, Anne? And I said, Why are you judging me? I can't help it. It's him. It's him. I wish I could, but I can't help it. I know you guys just think I'm a terrible person, but I'm trying. I'm really trying. And they were like, We don't think that. That's not what we were doing. We know, Amy, that your circumstance is very unique. We're still going to preach the Bible, but you're you're like making stuff up in your head. They didn't say that. But I was making stuff up in my head. We can become so self-conscious that we become prideful in that. Everything's about me. Everyone's looking at me. Everyone's judging me. That's kind of a weird sort of pride at its core. I'm just gonna say that. Stop being so insecure. Stop thinking everyone's judging you. You are in a unique circumstance. There, within Torah, there are so many exceptions to different Torah rules. People don't like that, but it's in there. This is one of them. So just live your life. Enjoy your husband. Don't feel guilty at Shabbat for saying that you and your husband have a great marriage. Now, maybe you don't go talking a ton about how you went to Home Depot and stuff. That just might be weird, you know. But don't be ashamed of your husband or having a great marriage. Just be content. Be the same you everywhere you go. Get counsel from someone who knows you, not me. I don't know you. Get counsel from people in your local fellowship. Start, of course, with the leadership or people that they might recommend because they might be wearing 14 different hats already. Um, get counsel from local people who love Yahweh and love and know you, with your husband, preferably. Do not think that you have to fix all of your inner past hurts to be a good wife. You have to forgive past hurts from everyone in your life who has ever hurt you, all those past deep traumas and things, you have to let those go and you have to forgive them, and you have to walk forward with your husband with Yeshua enjoy. Um, do not hang out with grumpy ladies. So here's the reason you know what that day we had the special tables. I didn't have one for you. Because in a group this size, there's gonna be at least one lady who is married to a non key Torah husband, and she is like at her wit's end. And and in her, in her hurt, because it's a hurtful situation, she's just to this point where I can't stand him anymore. I don't know why God did this. I need to divorce him. We ought to obey God rather than men. I'm done. This submission stuff is hooey. I'm not doing that anymore. I am done. God understands my circumstance. I'm special. I've been through this long enough, or he's bad enough, or whatever. I deserve to divorce him. And all you girls, you should do it too before it gets as bad as my situation. So that is a leaven that can spread. And I'm a little bit of a shepherdess of you while we're here. Like I just feel responsible for helping create a situation where you're steered towards hope in life, in scripture, and not despair and poor interpretations of scripture. Does that make sense? I don't want you to hang out with women who are in that dark place. Not while you're walking through the same thing. It's gonna be, I think it's gonna be too much for your heart. When I was doing that for that year and a half, I was married. Um, other women kind of wanted to come to me who were like really in a dark place, but I was already, I was, I was working so hard to have my own contentment. I was struggling to help them find contentment too. Like it was too much for me. And I feel bad saying that, but I think I knew myself at that time I couldn't do it. So if you're gonna hang out, and I think you should after this meeting, if you're in here and you're in this situation, find others in this room. You know who each other are now. I want you ladies to connect and share burdens, but not heap them on each other. And don't be a 11 person. If you're at your wit's end, talk to your leadership back home. Talk to your husband. But please don't spread that to other ladies who they're they're fighting for their marriages. You guys are fighting for your marriages and you're fighting for joy in your marriage, you're fighting to keep your husband saved because if that lady divorces her husband, she might be dooming him. And we don't, I don't want that to spread here. So when you go home, when you go on Facebook and Instagram and TikTok, be careful who you hang out with. You're already going through something hard. Don't hang out with ladies in a state of despair. Hang out with ladies in your situation. I think it's really powerful. Women who are grieving should hang out together. Women who have lost children should hang out together. Women whose husbands don't keep Torah. You guys should have a little circle or a Facebook group, but it should be shepherded and encouraged and leading you to truth. Is that okay to say I want you guys to steer each other towards hope and not despair? Don't hang out with women or teachers on the internet who tell you to divorce your husband. Just don't walk away from those groups. I walked away from about six different groups when I realized I was hearing nonsense that was making me so unhappy. I'm gonna close with this Yahweh sees your heart. So you think that you're sinning by going by obeying your husband, you're not sinning by obeying your husband and going to Home Depot on a Sabbath. Because Yahweh sees your heart and he desires a circumcised heart. And he sees that. He knows that you see the truth and that you believe the truth and that you want to walk out the truth. He is pleased with you. I mean, even more so than thinking your fellowship leaders think you're a loser. Don't think that Yahweh thinks you're a loser because your husband forced you to go to Home Depot on Shabbat. Yahweh is pleased with you. Okay. Don't let Satan or others tell you that God loves you less because your husband won't let you do all the things that I can do. I have freedom now. I have I even have a Torah husband. But Yahweh is not any less pleased with you because you can't do the outward things. He is so pleased that your heart is circumcised towards Torah. That's a huge thing. The father loves you and he treasures you. And I bet your husband does too, if you let him. Um, can you guys still hear from Todd for a couple? So uh come on up, Todd. So I I talk to you from a viewpoint of the wives, because that's what we are. We're the wives. Um, I don't know what Todd's gonna say. A husband bears some responsibility, but we can't think about that too much because then we get into the mode of I deserve he, yeah, he should do it. Todd said, Don't get into that mode. But Todd walked this out for a long time. And from what I understand, you walked it out really well, or I wouldn't have married you. If I thought that he had been a jerk to his wife who didn't keep tour, I would not have married this man. Because what if we would have disagreed? All right, I'll be quiet. Stay here.

SPEAKER_01 1:14:51

I'll be quick. No, that's she said she really said it all. There's just a couple things, and and I'll share that a lot of this is in hindsight after almost 30 years of marriage, most of which were um after I came to Torah. And so it's it's not a checklist of things that I did perfectly, it's more like, oh wow, what if I had done this a little differently? And so hindsight's always 2020. Um remember, the two of you are one. You're hard. Don't get too far ahead of him. I went really fast. I learned, I devoured, it was a fire hose, and it just wasn't her style. So stay in the word. But seek out the meat and and the the truths and not not always the things that are different and new. Um thank God for your spouse. You're gonna learn a lot, he's gonna change you. Um she already mentioned keep some fellowship. You have to work that out with him. How much is too much or too little? Um, but have someone in your corner and some fellowship, but don't slander him. Have someone in your corner, but don't share those things with anyone else. It's not right. And it just it's leaving. So um be honest with God. David was tell him how you feel. The good, bad, and the ugly, he can handle it. And then remember, there is so much Torah that your husband, if he's a Christian, he follows. Um read Matthew five again. The first part. It's Yeshua's commentary on the Torah. We skipped to seventeen. Right? But the the Beatitudes were the pinnacle for him of Torah. Fruits of the Spirit, Amy mentioned. And I want to leave you with uh one verse. I don't know if you mentioned this one, Amy, but first Peter 3 write this one down. Likewise, wives, be subject to your own husbands, so that even if some do not obey the word or all the word, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives. When you see when they see your respectful and pure conduct, so this changes the game. It's not an intellectual thing. You're not gonna win an argument with them. They're gonna see your heart. They're gonna see that he changes you. When you follow all his word, you're different. When you're in your prayer closet for a lot more time than before, now not to put pressure on you, but I wish I had spent a lot more time doing that. And the changes he makes in us when we spend time on our knees, some of it praying for him or her, whichever the case may be, whichever side you're on. Um it's more about what he does here than in my wife or in your husband. And that's what's gonna change his heart. So I'll just leave you with that. Um but one actually one more thing. When you think about what is Torah, it's so easy for us to think about all the parts that our previous life and belief system got wrong. They missed. But what is it really? It's God's instruction for us on how to live. W what what does that instruction have? His character. So why do we want to learn about his character? To know him. That's the point of Torah. It's to know him. And it's so easy to get trapped in these and wonderful things that he commands, Sabbath and feasts. Those are all things that are different to what your husband might be doing. Why do we want to focus only on that when there's so much else? There's so much else that we have in common. And when he sees the inner heart change, it's gonna be undeniable. And it might take decades, and that's okay. Just think what he's gonna do.

SPEAKER_00 1:20:30

All right, he never uses the stairs. So I am sorry I talked too long. I need to learn how to be succinct and concise, but I don't want to end this with just walking away because the creator of the universe loves you and he opened your eyes to Torah and he gave us Torah and He gave us husbands. So let's worship him with one more song. And but if you gotta go, I understand. Whatever. All right, let's worship and then we're dismissed.